Aku dan lagu (part 10)

10.19 a.m 12.11.2011

Adele - Someone like you

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And your
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true
I guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Oh friend
Why you so shy
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and bred
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
And memories made
Who would have known
How bittersweet
This would taste

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

This is one amazing woman. Watch her here.

It has been one month. Satu bulan sudahpun berlalu since that fateful day. And I am healing, slowly but surely. Walaupun dalam tempoh sebulan ni I was in some state of mind yang mana theme songs adalah ini dan ini, but I went through it and have a different perspective now.

Hidup harus diteruskan, no matter what. Tak perlu lagi nak berfikir tentang that thing lagi. It was the best period of my life though, and akan dijadikan pengajaran untuk masa hadapan. walaupun begitu, this guilt feeling masih ada for making her graduation day a sour one. I had no intention to make it that way. Cuma aku rasa lebih baik aku ketepi and let her have her day. Let her bask in the glory yang dah tiga tahun dia usahakan dan akhirnya dapat dikecapi. And it happened in a vice versa way, which is resulting in a really guilty me. But that's just me I guess, really bad with women around me.

I wish her all the best though. Mungkin aku hanya salah satu perhentiannya in her quest to find herself. Satu pitstop dalam mencari pengalaman. I hope she achieves her dream and meet the right guy, because she absolutely deserved it. She will always be in the annals of my heart though, as someone who touched me deep inside. Semoga dia berjaya.

It is time to move forward. Alhamdulillah, I had a career change. Swapping dari memasak popcorn, menjaga stok barang ke membaca artikel, mendengar dan melihat berita. A new job di kaki bukit KL Tower, menjadi seorang media researcher. And by the looks of it I am going for a long haul for this one. Dah tiba masanya untuk merencana masa hadapan, walaupun tanpa seseorang yang istimewa di sisi. That's my fate I guess,to be alone sebab tiada pemegang tulang rusuknya di atas bumi ini. Or she already existed tapi diri ini tak nampak.

All in all, masih panjang lagi perjalanan ini sebenarnya, jika diizinkan Tuhan. I do have matlamat untuk dicapai. Aku berharap yang semua matlamat itu dapat dicapai sebelum diri ini menutup mata untuk selama-lamanya, menghadap Tuhan yang Maha Esa.

Notakecil:

- Gigih mengumpul duit so that I can live by myself in the near future. Tak mahu lagi membebankan keluarga. It is time for me to give back.

- Nak melanjutkan pelajaran dan mengambil Masters, but not now though. Nak menikmati hidup bekerja pula after years of studying. PJJ perhaps?

- Banyak perancangan but I need to do it one thing at a time. Patience is key.

- Having weekends back is the best thing yang dialami sekarang.

It was a good ride...

7.59 a.m 7.10.2011

3.1.2011 - 7.10.2011. It was a good ride though dari awal sampai ke akhirnya. And semuanya akan menjadi sesuatu yang akan dikenang sampai bila-bila. I guess that she's not into that commitment part of a relationship and wants to fly high into the sky tanpa ada yang mengepit sayapnya. Lalu aku biarkan sahaja dia terbang because she deserves it more. I'm just another chapter in her life and vice versa. And she deserves to live her life to the fullest until she finally founds who she really is in this world (even though perkara itu membuatkan aku falling even more for her).

Tapi chapter ini akan terpahat in my mind because for once, I felt some genuine love towards someone and I do believe that it was real. However, hujan pula yang datang mencurah-curah di waktu tengahari perjalanan ini. And I know it was my mistake for absolutely believing in all of this all along. The real fool in all of this is me. But I'll take it because I deserve it. It pays to be selfless and loyal. Tapi aku terima semua sebab that's just me and it is impossible to change it. Aku tak akan revert back to be my old ways and will always be selfless and loyal.

To her, Miss Razorblade;

"Thank you for at least giving me a glimpse of what relationship is all about. I am so sorry if I was such an annoyance to you all this while. You have been the best thing that happened to me this year and I will never ever forget that. Your surprises will be kept as those were truly special and gave me some sort of motivation and direction in my life pada masa yang dulu. Also, that thing on my finger akan selalu dipakai sampai saya tutup mata sebab tempat awak takkan berubah dalam hati ini, bersebelahan dengan famili saya. Semoga awak dapat terbang tinggi dan mencapai segalanya yang awak dream selama ini. One more thing, be that wonder woman that you always be. Looking forward to read your final product bila dah siap nanti."

Au revoire, for now. (kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana, kan ?)

p.s: bak kata seseorang, "Next time, just go gung-ho and pinang terus!"

Notakecil:

- Graduation month and I am not really looking forward to it. Maybe just celebrating it with my family only as I do not want to ruin my friend's celebration due to me being not into it. It will be so awkward with her being there. Or I can just skip altogether ? We'll see how it goes.

-Also, diri ini akan cuba mengelak dari family gatherings sebab tak mahu menjawab soalan 5W 1H yang pastinya akan keluar daripada kaum kerabat about that end-of-the-year thing.

- Work has been good, tapi bila motivasi dan matlamat dah tiada, perhaps a change is needed. I'm willing to take that risk. Last resort perhaps kembali ke akar umbi dan menjadi pendidik bangsa when February 2012 comes.

- WWE is trying to rekindle some of its "Attitude Era" magic. Not really working in my eyes but I do look forward to what will happen next.

- Being completely out of touch with the happenings in sports really hurts. Sedang mncuba kembali mengikutinya perlahan-lahan.

- RIP Steve Jobs, pengasas Apple Inc. dan antara visionairies terhebat in this lifetime. Tanpa dia, takkan ada Ipod, Iphone dan sebagainya.

- Masih lagi menjadi seorang yang stingy dan sukar untk mengeluarkan duit. Bekalan untuk masa depan yang memang tidak menentu.

- On the other hand, PSP-3000 is damn tempting to me.

.commitment.trust.respect.patience.

11.24 a.m. 1.10.2011

Satu lagi entri menjengah ke laman blog yang tak seberapa ini. Again, being too busy with work and life at the outside of the house menghindarkan aku daripada meluahkan buah fikiran yang banyak bersarang in my head right now. Namun, I need to start blogging back seriously now. Need to brush up my writing skills. More on that dalam entri yang akan datang (itu satu janji!). This time though, I want to share something that I learnt during this course of my life. Mungkin semua dah tahu yang aku sedang berada di dalam satu relationship yang serius with my other half. It's a long distance one too, considering the fact yang dia akan berada jauh di negeri kelahirannya and I am here, in this metropolis known as Kuala Lumpur. It has been 3 months since we started and I learn several things that are essential in maintaining a relationship with the one girl that I love the most. And through constant obervation of other people's relationships that is happening in my world, it is safe to say bahawa perkara-perkara ini amat essential dalam mengukuhkan perhubungan antara si Adam dan si Hawa.

Commitment.

In a relationship, one has to be committed untuk memastikan yang ianya berpanjangan sehinggalah ke akhirnya. Dah tak pandang ke arah yang lain. In my case, I made a promise that I will stick with her for a very, very long time. Walaupun ada distraction di kiri dan kanan, si dia masih yang pertama in my eyes. Tetapi tak perlu sampai terlebih komited, sebab masih ada lagi benda lain di dalam dunia ini yang harus dicapai. Personal goals, among others juga harus diambil kira. Komitmen bukannya bererti that we are tied up to him or her, it is just a pledge that no matter what, the relationship will still be intact and strong untuk satu jangka masa yang sangat, sangat lama. It is still a long way to go for me, but I know yang komitmen aku adalah pada tahap yang tinggi. Hopefully she does, too.

Trust.

Most of the times, trust is a huge issue in a relationship. Kepercayaan kepada your other half adalah seuatu yang sukar untuk dipupuk, apatah lagi di zaman kini, whereby thanks to social networks and such, one can easily know what his or her other half are doing at that particular time. For me, once you are committed, you need to trust your partner. Percaya yang si dia juga, sama seperti diri kamu, tidak akan membuat sesuatu that could jeopardize a relationship. I had friends that have doubts tentang perhubungan mereka, kerana mereka tidak berapa nak percaya dengan pasangan mereka. That actually means that they are not committed enough, or maybe their partners are'nt trustworthy enough, or other factors that menyebabkan berlakunya ketidakpercayaan itu. Senang cerita, kena ada kepercayaan, as the song by Ungu says, 'Percaya Padaku'.

Respect.

Hormat adalah satu lagi perkara yang sangat penting in a relationship, for me at least. Respect each other's life. Jangan terlalu mengongkong and says what you want him or her to be. Let him or her be what he or she wants to be. Sebab that was the first reason why anda berada in a relationship. Personality attracts. I still very much respect my other half dan support everything that she does. And aku tak akan cuba mengongkong dia because she is that perfect just the way she is right now. Di samping itu, respect juga bermakna yang one has to respect privasi pasangan masing-masing. It is just not about you and your partner dalam kehidupan dia atas dunia ini. Let him or her be and live their lives the way they want to, melainkan kalau ianya sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan undang-undang dunia dan undang-undang agama. Itu adalah treshold untuk tahap respect itu.

Patience.

I think this is the most important thing. One has to be very patient with his or her partner. Kena banyak bersabar sebab it is a continuing learning process in knowing each other. Frankly speaking, banyak juga perkara dan karenah yang dilalui oleh aku sepanjang bersama dengan dia. And I have to bersabar sebab masih dalam proses belajar, memahami dan mengetahui isi hatinya yang sebenar. And it gets deeper as time goes on. Patience juga perlu dalam menghadapi sesuatu situasi bersama, terutama jika seseorang itu dalam long distance relationship. Hati mana yang tak envy dengan pasangan yang selalu dapat bersama. But I know that the time will come whereby I will be with her for a long time. Just need to patient about it.

Kesemua faktor ini sebenarnya interconnected with each other. If one is committed, one will have a lot of trust and respect towards his or her loved one and also have a lot of patience in an ongoing relationship. At least that is what I can sum up. Mungkin teori ini sangat salah, sangat betul ataupun ada salah serta betul. One thing for sure though, I truly hope that this relationship that I have right now, will be as long as what my dad and my late mum had. Sampai arwah mak menutup mata buat kali terakhir. That is my hope.

Au Revoire, for now peeps !

A thing or two... (and more)

9.32 a.m 12.8.2011

Nak buat style bullet points a-la Notakecil. Just to tell some things of my chest.

- Dah masuk 12 hari dah umat Islam di Malaysia berpuasa. This is the first time yang mana aku berpuasa sebagai seorang pekerja. Dulu, masa jadi student dah biasa busy masa puasa, so it was not that hard for me to adjust my body to not eat during the days. Lagipun lebih jimat. Nak kumpul duit. And this could be my first Ramadhan where I pay for my own zakat, Insya Allah.

- Talking about work,it has been pretty good. Tak pernah lagi aku berasa sedikit animosity towards my work, although tiring at times. Kerja kena ikhlas, kalau tak rezeki tu tak berkat. Although if there's no more career advancement for me in this field, I might want to switch to some other work by the end of this year, Insya Allah.

- Speaking of the end of this year, aku masih belum dalam preparation mode untuk benda baik yang bakal berlaku kelak, although my other half dah dalam mode sebegitu. But for sure, aku sedang mengumpul the necessary budget for it. Still searching for that courage to tell my dad about it. Once abah telah diberitahu, baru aku khabarkan kepada Muntik Team pada raya nanti. Hopefully it will turn out to be a pleasant surprise for them. I know there's some sort of problem setiap kali raya menjelang at the Muntik Team's household (I'm not deaf nor blind), tetapi I truly hope that this thing that I am going to do would somehow make all of them feel some joy during the Raya period.

- Untuk Raya tahun ni, maybe aku hanya membeli sepasang baju Melayu sahaja, and that's just about it. No T-shirts, pants or any other items. Cuma satu pasang Baju Melayu sahaja, and that's through my paycheck. Perhaps shopping at the last minute? Murah sikit. Again, nak kumpul duit.

- WWE is in its best right now bagi aku. Certainly looking forward to the Summerslam PPV this coming Isnin (will be one very sad cat if I don't get an off day on that day). Cena vs Punk II. Satu storyline yang penuh intrigue thanks to their great promo work. Aku akan berpuas hati jika match antara mereka nanti is on par atau lebih hebat daripada match mereka di Money in The Bank bulan lepas.

- Musim BPL akan bermula lagi. My team, Manchester United (penyandang kejuaraan BPL musim lepas) nampaknya akan bermula dari bawah semula dengan injection pemain-pemain muda yang dipanggil semula dari loan spells (Cleverley, Wellbeck) serta acquisition baru (De Gea, Phil Jones). Dengan saingan hebat daripada kelab-kelab lain, aku berharap this season, the Red Devils akan terus mara ke hadapan, taking on the spirit of 1999 with them. GGMU!

- Last but not least, kepada that other half of my heart:

"It has been 2 months and 1 day since this journey started. And it will continue for a very very long time, God Willing. Just like what you said to me, "have faith, don't stress. good luck! ♥"

"If it's love,
And we decide that it's forever,
No one else could do it better,
If it's love,
And we're two birds of a feather,
Then the rest is just whenever"

- If It's Love by Train

Until then, Au Revoir.

Aku dan Lagu (Part 9)

12.54 p.m 3.8.2011

The Strokes - Razorblade

Oh, the, Razor blade, that's what I call love
I bet you pick it up and mess around with it
If I put it down
It gets extremely complicated
Anything to forget everything

You got to take me out
At least once a week
Whether I'm in your arms
Or I'm at your feet
I know exactly what you're thinking
You won't say it now
But in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry
There you go

Oh, the razor blade
Wish it would snap this rope
The world is in your hand
Or it's at your throat
At times it's not that complicated
Anything to forget everything

He would never talk
But he was not shy
She was a street-smart girl
But she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
Say it now
Cause in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry

Ayh

Sweetheart
Your feelings are more important of course
Of course
Everyone you wanted
Everything that we would take from them
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me

no, don't, okay

their performance of this song = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHXlIcn33A4

The Strokes is definitely antara band 'rock n roll' kegemaran aku sepanjang zaman. They compliment each other in true perfection. Baik dari vokal, guitars, bass dan dram, it all seems perfectly aligned dalam setiap lagu mereka. That's why I put them among my favorites, alongside Slipknot and others. Kenapa aku memilih lagu ni?

Well, dah genap 100 hari aku bersama dengan kesayangan. And throughout those days it has been really special indeed for me. I felt that a part of me telah menjadi complete, dan membuatkan aku lebih bermotivasi untuk meneruskan penghidupan di dunia ni. She has to be the one for me. That's why aku berusaha gigih sekarang, so that I can have some sort of ikatan dengan kesayangan, and then moving on towards having a more serious ikatan dengannya. Mungkin lama lagi untuk itu, but at least aku ada some sort of foundation to build upon. And hopefully it will last for hundreds and hundreds of days more.

to her:

"thank you for all the surprises. thank you for accepting me as i am. thank you for being the best thing that happened to me this year. and thank you for completing that one piece of puzzle in this little heart of mine."

as the song says,

"He would never talk
But he was not shy
She was a street-smart girl
But she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
Say it now
Cause in your heart it's loud."

until then, Au Revoir.

All about working life...

11.04 p.m 28.7.2011

It has been a long time, isn't it? Dah lama tangan ni tak menaip di keyboard 'Toshi' yakni laptop kepunyaan diri berkenaan entry in this particular blog. Have no fear, due to some stimulus (and perhaps sarcasm), diri ini akan sekali lagi cuba untuk aktif menulis (or menaip) di blog ini dan blog yang lagi satu tu. Tentang blog yang lagi satu tu, akan diberitahu kemudian.

2011 is really a year of transition for me. Dari bidang pembelajaran, terus ke bidang pekerjaan. The first four months diharungi dengan mengharungi practical training di RTM. It was probably the best four months that I ever had in terms of having fun in doing what I like the most, a broadcaster. Menjadi trainee AP untuk Hello on Two was really fun indeed, as I learn more tentang luar dan dalam bidang penyiaran and got a good understanding of how media works as a whole in Malaysia.

Selepas itu, after a brief break aku terjun semula ke bidang pekerjaan, but this time into a whole new different environment, field and work. Aku bekerja di bahagian Concessions wayang MBO di Viva Mall. Bermula hanya sebagai part timer, the workload is damn heavy and dengan hanya berpeluang bercuti satu hari dalam seminggu, one would want to quit the job altogether. Tapi aku bertahan, mengenangkan masa depan yang nak dicapai, among others. Plus, I am a workaholic after all.

Akhirnya, that perseverance pays off as now I am working full time here. Dan aku terasa committed untuk meneruskan karier aku di bidang wayang nie. Seems to be pretty interesting, tapi penuh onak dan ranjau berduri. At least sekarang aku ada platform untuk maju ke hadapan.

Comparing it with my first job is like night and day. The first job is like love at first sight. The second job is like someone that you fall in love slowly but surely as days go by. In the end, I choose the second one as it can last much more longer than the first one. Don't get me wrong, broadcasting masih lagi passion aku. And I would jump into any opportunity that presents itself in regards to broadcasting.

Cuma sekarang aku kena kumpul duit. Nak buat benda baik hujung tahun ni Insya Allah. Aku harap semuanya cukup, diterima oleh keluarga dan diberkati oleh Allah S.W.T. Doakanlah agar perancangan ini berjalan dengan lancar.

Until then, Au Revoire !

Aku dan Lagu (Part 8)

Aku dan Lagu (Part 8)

11.18 p.m 23.6.2011

Akhirnya, telah dihidupkan kembali ruangan ini setelah sekian lamanya tidak dihidupkan. A resurrection after a very, very long time. Perhaps, it is my fault because I do not have a specific song to share that have a significant impact, in one way or another, in my life. Well, just recently I have found and heard this song and it pretty much sums up my feelings pada waktu sekarang. Perasaan yang sukar dibendung dan sangat mendalam di lubuk hati seorang yang bernama Fairus ini.

Lifehouse - Falling In

Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

I can't wait till tomorrow
This feeling has swallowed me whole
And know that I've lost control
This heart that I've followed
Has left me so hollow
That was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything

Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

I'm standing in your driveway
It's midnight and I'm sideways
To find out if you feel the same
Won't be easy, have my doubts too
But it's over, without you I'm just lost, incomplete
Yeah you feel like home, home to me

Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

All those nights I stayed awake
Thinking of all the ways to make you mine
All of those smiles will never fade
Never run out of ways to blow my mind

Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in
Don't be scared, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

nak dengar lagunya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr2tgXPsVM

the best live version of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH1s8IdFGio&feature=related

I actually first heard this song through a random link posted by a random friend at Facebook. A catchy tune, yet ia ada lirik yang sangat mendalam. Kebetulan pula, at that time aku mula mempunyai perasaan terhadap si dia (if you read my other entries, you will get the idea of the person that I am talking about). Bila teringat dia, terngiang-ngiang lagu ni berkumandang, like a background music or something. And now, after we decided that we will move forward as an item, aku consider lagu ini as my official song of her, just like 'Miss Independent' dan 'One in A Million'. And aku berharap inilah lagu terakhir yang akan aku associate with the girls in my life. No more after this. Cukup-cukuplah. Teringin juga nak menjadikan lagu ni sebagai lagu tema untuk majlis-majlis nanti. Majlis-majlis apa? Just wait and see.

Au revoire for now peeps!

Notakecil:

- Akan cuba kembali aktif untuk menulis secara perlahan-lahan. Kenalah keep up dengan si dia yang aktif menulis juga.

- Aku telahpun memasuki alam pekerjaan di bidang filem. Bukannya sebagai pelakon atau pengarah, but just a concession cashier at MBO. Kerja part-time untuk mengisi masa lapang dan untuk mengisi dana 'khas'.

- Teringin melihat kesayangannya to have a long hair. That's just me but I am fine with her appearance no matter what.

- Ada apa dengan 9 Julai? It will come down to whether there will be a mass protest or a public embarassment. That's all.

- I have a second blog, but it is still underwraps. Patience, people! You will know soon enough.

About her again... as my future... :)

9.56 a.m. 14.6.2011

Well, here I am again with another entry in this little blog of mine. Termasuk hari ni sudah genap 43 hari diri ini berstatus penganggur. Bukannya tiada effort to change this status, but maybe rezeki tak datang lagi. I just have to usaha and tawakal. Insya Allah, adalah rezeki untuk bekerja nanti. Perhaps, I have to wait until the final result to come out (which is by the way will be out this Friday, damn!) and refine my flaws first, before I am ready for the real world out there. Now, I am acting as the Mr. Mama in my house, which means that aku perlu melaksanakan tugasan harian di rumah seperti membasuh baju dan sebgainya. That is not a bad thing, as I improved myself day by day doing these chores. Persiapan masa hadapan mungkin? Aku hanya mampu tersenyum at that thought. Speaking of future, I just want to say Alhamdulillah. Finally, I have found that future Mrs. Fairus.

Remember the girl that I mentioned in the previous entry? Well, it turned out for the better as she actually has the same feeling that I have towards her. All it takes is one date and I knew that this is the girl that I have been searching for all my life. The other half of me, the partner in life and the mate of this little soul here. Yes, aku akui there have been a little bit doubt in this heart regarding her, but after that date, I just knew that this is THE girl for me. It may seems rushed but I never had this kind of feeling that is so much stronger than the previous girls in my life (the high-school crush, girl at summer camp, miss independent and miss one-in-a-million).

There are many reasons why I absolutely love about her. She has two sides, one that is very strong and independent, and another one that is very pure, sincere and lovable. And I can see her as my other half in the future, the big sister kepada adik-adikku, menantu abahku and a great addition to the Muntik Team. Both of us have a plan towards that and I am hoping that Insya Allah, semuanya berjalan lancar mengikut rancangan and me and her can achieve that happy ending. So, I better start picking up on my side, get a job, improving myself as a person and to be better that what I was yesterday. Nak jaga anak dara orang la katakan.

By the way, when I think of her, I have two songs in my mind, Falling In by Lifehouse and LOVE Girl by CN Blue.

Until next time, au revoire !

Notakecil (dah lama dah tak buat ni):

- Musim bola dah habis. But that doesn't mean that the off-season is boring. Transfer news and international competition (Gold Cup and Copa America) will satisfy my appetite for football.

- Current WWE programming is in its lowest of lows. Only several things that excites. Through Internet, I have at least three sites where I surf to that offers me some sort of retribution to this passion of mine.

- Sekarang kembali mendalami dunia fotografi yang dah lama ditinggalkan. But I need new camera lens. :/

- I wanna have a playlist of songs about her. Baru ada dua lagu.

- Malaysian politics are down to choosing a bisexual leader and a queen-controlled leader. That's why I don't really pay attention to it.

- Game emulators (Genesis, GBA, N64) made my day. Teringat kenangan zaman dulu.

- To those who read this on Facebook, this is actually from my Eyeless blog (tiadamata.blogspot.com). Feel free to check it out !

Something about her..

10.24 a.m 9.5.2011

Alhamdulillah, after a torrid work hangover of a week, diri ini kembali menjadi waras semula and I am back to being myself again. A pursuer of dreams and a wannabee somebody. Dengan tamatnya degree, maka bermulalah journey aku to the unknown. Welcome to the harsh and cold real world, Fairus! Anyways, entry kali ni is a dedication towards a girl that I have known recently and can be consdered as a conqueror of this little heart of mine (damn, he is falling in again!). A girl that at first, aku tak sangka akan kenal, malahan rapat. But then again, that four letter word, FATE is again at play. And now, this guy is into her. Entri terdahulu, I have said a few words about her. Thankfully, the thing that she said was a total misunderstanding on my part. Dan sekarang, at least aku ada peluang to prove to her that I can be her man (damn I love this 'Chase' portion of relationship).

That four month period telah banyak membuka mataku terhadap si dia. Such a strong-willed girl, yet deep inside lies a very feminine and fragile heart. Walaupun begitu, I still do not know her fully yet. But, day after day, the pieces to her puzzles are starting to unravel, one by one. And learning something new about her day after day is something that I cherish. And vice versa, she learns a lot about me as well. I've never been as open as this terhadap seorang perempuan. Tetapi itu penting sebenarnya, as a boy needs to know about his girl, and a girl needs to know about his boy. Then, barulah persefahaman dapat dibina. It is more interesting this way as it feels like an adventure to the unknown. You never know what you're gonna get. It is really exciting indeed.

Hopefully, by the end of it all, I can ultimately be hers. Hopefully she does have the same feeling as I have towards her. Ingin sekali aku mahu menjadi 'kesayangan' si dia itu, dan juga the first to be introduced to her mother. Ah, you are thinking ahead of yourself again, Fairus. Get your head focused !

One step at a time, slow and steady.

I just don't want to be that damn silly guy again.

Au Revoir, for now.

Best Buddy material...

6.20 a.m 5.5.2011

Finally satu entry yang true untuk tahun 2011. Keadaan semasa yang sedikit reda akhirnya membantu for me to write another piece of my mind. Practical training was hard and fun, but that will be written for another day. This time, ianya adalah satu luahan perasaan yg mendalam after a very tough night that I have endured.

*rant begins*

Once again, diri ini telah menjadi subject untuk menjadi hanya best buddy a.k.a good friend a.k.a best friend kepada opposite sex and tidak mampu menjadi lebih daripada itu. Maybe it is just me who is not good enough to be more than a friend. Lately, I've been the subject for them to talk about problems with their men. That is pretty pathetic jika dikenangkan yang aku hanya menjadi tempat mengadu dan merujuk tentang permasalahan lelaki. And aku, as a typical me, just listen and try to give an honest opinion yang mungkin mampu merungkai permasalahan tu, walaupun I haven't been in a serious relationship for the longest of time. Again, typical me of helping people out. In the end, diri ni juga yang akan terasa sakitnya sebab tak mampu untuk menjadi seorang lover kepada perempuan.

For the past six months I've been let down by women twice, due to the fact that they accept me as a best buddy a.k.a good friend a.k.a best friend only, and tidak lebih daripada itu. That pretty much sucks. Especially the second one after all the hope in the world that I have towards her actually becoming that special girl of mine. And now she is the only one in this particular person's mind and heart. Perhaps pekara ini tak boleh nak rush sangat. One step at a time. Perhaps juga I have to be on 'chasing' mode again. Start from the beginning again. Tetapi, mungkin pengakhirannya akan sama sahaja. Pengakhiran yang sangat tidak digemari ketika ini.

Perhaps the Foreveralone club will have its newest member: me.

*rant ends*

Lega sedikit selepas sesi luahan tadi. Now I am feeling a lot better. Who says that blogging is not good for your mental health. It helps tremendously.

Au revoir, mon ami.

Notakecil:

- To-do list to get her: Play kites, watch sunset, go up Broga Hill, watch the new Transformer movie. Gonna get this done to win her heart. There will be an entry especially dedicated to her. :)

- After Friday, yours truly akan secara rasminya bertukar status dari seorang pelajar kepada seorang penganggur.

- The uncertain future is certainly getting on my nerves.

- Hating the state of WWE landscape right now. It degrades a lot after so much hope last year.

Alhamdulillah~~

from miss independent to miss one in a million~~

to miss independent + one in a million~~

I'm just happy~~

that's all~~

=)