Finally

2.50 p.m 16.4.2012

Wah, dah berhabuk dah blog ni. Kesian ditinggalkan oleh tuannya yang tersangat busy with a lot of things. But never fear, this time I will try to write as much as possible. And there are reasons to that. Sebab pertama, to polish up my writing skills yang dah makin tumpul. It is actually a necessity to my work as a Media Researcher (tailor-made job for me!). Selain tu, sebab kedua adalah untuk meluahkan banyak idea, pendapat, rants, isi hati yg dah lama terbuku inside my mind and also in my heart. Various events happening around me and happened towards me. So, ianya adalah satu benda yg natural to try and react to those things. And through this medium, I can at least meluahkan apa yang sepatutnya diluahkan. Dari saat ini juga, i will try to concentrate on using just one language per post, so this is the last one of this crazy dwibahasa type of blog post. Perlu dilakukan untuk improve my writing skills in English and also berpegang kepada bahasa Melayu yang memang melambangkan jati diri ini.

Now we that we get that out of the way, let's move on to some other things. Notakecil style, perhaps ?

- Working as a Media Researcher is actually fun. Really thankful to Allah sebab dapat kerja ni just after I graduated and during the time when I was going through a break-up. Memfokuskan segala tenaga ke arah kerja truly helps. Walaupun sebenarnya aku belajar broadcasting, tak semestinya aku tak enjoy doing things that I am doing now. Bezanya memang macam langit dengan bumi. Then again, this job suits me well and aku berharap dapat meneruskan langkah dalam bidang ni. Media Analyst perhaps? Only time (and effort) can tell.

- Benarlah kata orang tu, patah tumbuh hilang berganti. Now, there is someone special that is in my heart. And I am very thankful that she came into my life. I hope she will stay for a long time, perhaps sampai ke akhirnya. Jodoh kan? Harap-harapnya la. Dia memang seorang yg special. Memang dia 'si pelik' saya. I really hope that this will be the one for me, I really hope.

- The love for wrestling is better than ever. Awal bulan ni, I just purchased a PPV called Wrestlemania 28 adn watched it live fopr the first time in my life. It was worth that RM 19.99 that I paid. Satu moment yang sangat special. I also watched it with my dad, which makes it even more special. Satu special blog post akan dibuat for that, itu janji.

- Thinking about doing his masters, tapi rasanya lama lagi. Nak kumpul duit and ada kehidupan yang stabil dulu. Kadang-kadang teringin nak challenge myself to do it. Then again, dah lima tahun memerah otak. Tiba masanya untuk otak tu berehat sekejap dari academic things and more to life things, like work, personal stuffs and much more.

- 2012 is the year of politics in Malaysia. And I for once, am intrigued with it. Sebagai seorang yang atas pagar, it will be fun to see each side's stand (BN and PR) and their arguments on why they should be the one who lead our country. Aku hanya nak hidup dalam negara yang aman, damai, tiada (atau kurang) racism, harmoni dan dikelilingi media that does not always churn out political bs (maintstream media or not). Enough with all of these crazy accusations, personal attacks and whatnot. Bak kata pepatah, "a politician thinks of the next election, while a statesman thinks of the next generation."

- Been playing a lot of games lately, thanks to my PSP yang sangat portable dan memudahkan diri ini untuk bermain dari pagi sampai ke malam. It is fun getting in touch to that side of me, a gamer yang susah nak menyerah kalah dan akan habiskan game tu walau dengan apa cara sekalipun.

- So many good movies coming out. Akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk menonton all that I targeted, especially Dark Knight Rises. Itu memang wajib tonton and I will be mad at myself if I am not able to catch it when it coems out. That and of course The Hobbit too.

Well, I think that is just about it from me. Ringan sikit otak dan dada selepas meluahkan banyak perkara. More to come from me, that is for sure.

Au revoire.

Aku dan lagu (part 10)

10.19 a.m 12.11.2011

Adele - Someone like you

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And your
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true
I guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Oh friend
Why you so shy
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and bred
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
And memories made
Who would have known
How bittersweet
This would taste

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

This is one amazing woman. Watch her here.

It has been one month. Satu bulan sudahpun berlalu since that fateful day. And I am healing, slowly but surely. Walaupun dalam tempoh sebulan ni I was in some state of mind yang mana theme songs adalah ini dan ini, but I went through it and have a different perspective now.

Hidup harus diteruskan, no matter what. Tak perlu lagi nak berfikir tentang that thing lagi. It was the best period of my life though, and akan dijadikan pengajaran untuk masa hadapan. walaupun begitu, this guilt feeling masih ada for making her graduation day a sour one. I had no intention to make it that way. Cuma aku rasa lebih baik aku ketepi and let her have her day. Let her bask in the glory yang dah tiga tahun dia usahakan dan akhirnya dapat dikecapi. And it happened in a vice versa way, which is resulting in a really guilty me. But that's just me I guess, really bad with women around me.

I wish her all the best though. Mungkin aku hanya salah satu perhentiannya in her quest to find herself. Satu pitstop dalam mencari pengalaman. I hope she achieves her dream and meet the right guy, because she absolutely deserved it. She will always be in the annals of my heart though, as someone who touched me deep inside. Semoga dia berjaya.

It is time to move forward. Alhamdulillah, I had a career change. Swapping dari memasak popcorn, menjaga stok barang ke membaca artikel, mendengar dan melihat berita. A new job di kaki bukit KL Tower, menjadi seorang media researcher. And by the looks of it I am going for a long haul for this one. Dah tiba masanya untuk merencana masa hadapan, walaupun tanpa seseorang yang istimewa di sisi. That's my fate I guess,to be alone sebab tiada pemegang tulang rusuknya di atas bumi ini. Or she already existed tapi diri ini tak nampak.

All in all, masih panjang lagi perjalanan ini sebenarnya, jika diizinkan Tuhan. I do have matlamat untuk dicapai. Aku berharap yang semua matlamat itu dapat dicapai sebelum diri ini menutup mata untuk selama-lamanya, menghadap Tuhan yang Maha Esa.

Notakecil:

- Gigih mengumpul duit so that I can live by myself in the near future. Tak mahu lagi membebankan keluarga. It is time for me to give back.

- Nak melanjutkan pelajaran dan mengambil Masters, but not now though. Nak menikmati hidup bekerja pula after years of studying. PJJ perhaps?

- Banyak perancangan but I need to do it one thing at a time. Patience is key.

- Having weekends back is the best thing yang dialami sekarang.

It was a good ride...

7.59 a.m 7.10.2011

3.1.2011 - 7.10.2011. It was a good ride though dari awal sampai ke akhirnya. And semuanya akan menjadi sesuatu yang akan dikenang sampai bila-bila. I guess that she's not into that commitment part of a relationship and wants to fly high into the sky tanpa ada yang mengepit sayapnya. Lalu aku biarkan sahaja dia terbang because she deserves it more. I'm just another chapter in her life and vice versa. And she deserves to live her life to the fullest until she finally founds who she really is in this world (even though perkara itu membuatkan aku falling even more for her).

Tapi chapter ini akan terpahat in my mind because for once, I felt some genuine love towards someone and I do believe that it was real. However, hujan pula yang datang mencurah-curah di waktu tengahari perjalanan ini. And I know it was my mistake for absolutely believing in all of this all along. The real fool in all of this is me. But I'll take it because I deserve it. It pays to be selfless and loyal. Tapi aku terima semua sebab that's just me and it is impossible to change it. Aku tak akan revert back to be my old ways and will always be selfless and loyal.

To her, Miss Razorblade;

"Thank you for at least giving me a glimpse of what relationship is all about. I am so sorry if I was such an annoyance to you all this while. You have been the best thing that happened to me this year and I will never ever forget that. Your surprises will be kept as those were truly special and gave me some sort of motivation and direction in my life pada masa yang dulu. Also, that thing on my finger akan selalu dipakai sampai saya tutup mata sebab tempat awak takkan berubah dalam hati ini, bersebelahan dengan famili saya. Semoga awak dapat terbang tinggi dan mencapai segalanya yang awak dream selama ini. One more thing, be that wonder woman that you always be. Looking forward to read your final product bila dah siap nanti."

Au revoire, for now. (kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana, kan ?)

p.s: bak kata seseorang, "Next time, just go gung-ho and pinang terus!"

Notakecil:

- Graduation month and I am not really looking forward to it. Maybe just celebrating it with my family only as I do not want to ruin my friend's celebration due to me being not into it. It will be so awkward with her being there. Or I can just skip altogether ? We'll see how it goes.

-Also, diri ini akan cuba mengelak dari family gatherings sebab tak mahu menjawab soalan 5W 1H yang pastinya akan keluar daripada kaum kerabat about that end-of-the-year thing.

- Work has been good, tapi bila motivasi dan matlamat dah tiada, perhaps a change is needed. I'm willing to take that risk. Last resort perhaps kembali ke akar umbi dan menjadi pendidik bangsa when February 2012 comes.

- WWE is trying to rekindle some of its "Attitude Era" magic. Not really working in my eyes but I do look forward to what will happen next.

- Being completely out of touch with the happenings in sports really hurts. Sedang mncuba kembali mengikutinya perlahan-lahan.

- RIP Steve Jobs, pengasas Apple Inc. dan antara visionairies terhebat in this lifetime. Tanpa dia, takkan ada Ipod, Iphone dan sebagainya.

- Masih lagi menjadi seorang yang stingy dan sukar untk mengeluarkan duit. Bekalan untuk masa depan yang memang tidak menentu.

- On the other hand, PSP-3000 is damn tempting to me.

.commitment.trust.respect.patience.

11.24 a.m. 1.10.2011

Satu lagi entri menjengah ke laman blog yang tak seberapa ini. Again, being too busy with work and life at the outside of the house menghindarkan aku daripada meluahkan buah fikiran yang banyak bersarang in my head right now. Namun, I need to start blogging back seriously now. Need to brush up my writing skills. More on that dalam entri yang akan datang (itu satu janji!). This time though, I want to share something that I learnt during this course of my life. Mungkin semua dah tahu yang aku sedang berada di dalam satu relationship yang serius with my other half. It's a long distance one too, considering the fact yang dia akan berada jauh di negeri kelahirannya and I am here, in this metropolis known as Kuala Lumpur. It has been 3 months since we started and I learn several things that are essential in maintaining a relationship with the one girl that I love the most. And through constant obervation of other people's relationships that is happening in my world, it is safe to say bahawa perkara-perkara ini amat essential dalam mengukuhkan perhubungan antara si Adam dan si Hawa.

Commitment.

In a relationship, one has to be committed untuk memastikan yang ianya berpanjangan sehinggalah ke akhirnya. Dah tak pandang ke arah yang lain. In my case, I made a promise that I will stick with her for a very, very long time. Walaupun ada distraction di kiri dan kanan, si dia masih yang pertama in my eyes. Tetapi tak perlu sampai terlebih komited, sebab masih ada lagi benda lain di dalam dunia ini yang harus dicapai. Personal goals, among others juga harus diambil kira. Komitmen bukannya bererti that we are tied up to him or her, it is just a pledge that no matter what, the relationship will still be intact and strong untuk satu jangka masa yang sangat, sangat lama. It is still a long way to go for me, but I know yang komitmen aku adalah pada tahap yang tinggi. Hopefully she does, too.

Trust.

Most of the times, trust is a huge issue in a relationship. Kepercayaan kepada your other half adalah seuatu yang sukar untuk dipupuk, apatah lagi di zaman kini, whereby thanks to social networks and such, one can easily know what his or her other half are doing at that particular time. For me, once you are committed, you need to trust your partner. Percaya yang si dia juga, sama seperti diri kamu, tidak akan membuat sesuatu that could jeopardize a relationship. I had friends that have doubts tentang perhubungan mereka, kerana mereka tidak berapa nak percaya dengan pasangan mereka. That actually means that they are not committed enough, or maybe their partners are'nt trustworthy enough, or other factors that menyebabkan berlakunya ketidakpercayaan itu. Senang cerita, kena ada kepercayaan, as the song by Ungu says, 'Percaya Padaku'.

Respect.

Hormat adalah satu lagi perkara yang sangat penting in a relationship, for me at least. Respect each other's life. Jangan terlalu mengongkong and says what you want him or her to be. Let him or her be what he or she wants to be. Sebab that was the first reason why anda berada in a relationship. Personality attracts. I still very much respect my other half dan support everything that she does. And aku tak akan cuba mengongkong dia because she is that perfect just the way she is right now. Di samping itu, respect juga bermakna yang one has to respect privasi pasangan masing-masing. It is just not about you and your partner dalam kehidupan dia atas dunia ini. Let him or her be and live their lives the way they want to, melainkan kalau ianya sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan undang-undang dunia dan undang-undang agama. Itu adalah treshold untuk tahap respect itu.

Patience.

I think this is the most important thing. One has to be very patient with his or her partner. Kena banyak bersabar sebab it is a continuing learning process in knowing each other. Frankly speaking, banyak juga perkara dan karenah yang dilalui oleh aku sepanjang bersama dengan dia. And I have to bersabar sebab masih dalam proses belajar, memahami dan mengetahui isi hatinya yang sebenar. And it gets deeper as time goes on. Patience juga perlu dalam menghadapi sesuatu situasi bersama, terutama jika seseorang itu dalam long distance relationship. Hati mana yang tak envy dengan pasangan yang selalu dapat bersama. But I know that the time will come whereby I will be with her for a long time. Just need to patient about it.

Kesemua faktor ini sebenarnya interconnected with each other. If one is committed, one will have a lot of trust and respect towards his or her loved one and also have a lot of patience in an ongoing relationship. At least that is what I can sum up. Mungkin teori ini sangat salah, sangat betul ataupun ada salah serta betul. One thing for sure though, I truly hope that this relationship that I have right now, will be as long as what my dad and my late mum had. Sampai arwah mak menutup mata buat kali terakhir. That is my hope.

Au Revoire, for now peeps !

A thing or two... (and more)

9.32 a.m 12.8.2011

Nak buat style bullet points a-la Notakecil. Just to tell some things of my chest.

- Dah masuk 12 hari dah umat Islam di Malaysia berpuasa. This is the first time yang mana aku berpuasa sebagai seorang pekerja. Dulu, masa jadi student dah biasa busy masa puasa, so it was not that hard for me to adjust my body to not eat during the days. Lagipun lebih jimat. Nak kumpul duit. And this could be my first Ramadhan where I pay for my own zakat, Insya Allah.

- Talking about work,it has been pretty good. Tak pernah lagi aku berasa sedikit animosity towards my work, although tiring at times. Kerja kena ikhlas, kalau tak rezeki tu tak berkat. Although if there's no more career advancement for me in this field, I might want to switch to some other work by the end of this year, Insya Allah.

- Speaking of the end of this year, aku masih belum dalam preparation mode untuk benda baik yang bakal berlaku kelak, although my other half dah dalam mode sebegitu. But for sure, aku sedang mengumpul the necessary budget for it. Still searching for that courage to tell my dad about it. Once abah telah diberitahu, baru aku khabarkan kepada Muntik Team pada raya nanti. Hopefully it will turn out to be a pleasant surprise for them. I know there's some sort of problem setiap kali raya menjelang at the Muntik Team's household (I'm not deaf nor blind), tetapi I truly hope that this thing that I am going to do would somehow make all of them feel some joy during the Raya period.

- Untuk Raya tahun ni, maybe aku hanya membeli sepasang baju Melayu sahaja, and that's just about it. No T-shirts, pants or any other items. Cuma satu pasang Baju Melayu sahaja, and that's through my paycheck. Perhaps shopping at the last minute? Murah sikit. Again, nak kumpul duit.

- WWE is in its best right now bagi aku. Certainly looking forward to the Summerslam PPV this coming Isnin (will be one very sad cat if I don't get an off day on that day). Cena vs Punk II. Satu storyline yang penuh intrigue thanks to their great promo work. Aku akan berpuas hati jika match antara mereka nanti is on par atau lebih hebat daripada match mereka di Money in The Bank bulan lepas.

- Musim BPL akan bermula lagi. My team, Manchester United (penyandang kejuaraan BPL musim lepas) nampaknya akan bermula dari bawah semula dengan injection pemain-pemain muda yang dipanggil semula dari loan spells (Cleverley, Wellbeck) serta acquisition baru (De Gea, Phil Jones). Dengan saingan hebat daripada kelab-kelab lain, aku berharap this season, the Red Devils akan terus mara ke hadapan, taking on the spirit of 1999 with them. GGMU!

- Last but not least, kepada that other half of my heart:

"It has been 2 months and 1 day since this journey started. And it will continue for a very very long time, God Willing. Just like what you said to me, "have faith, don't stress. good luck! ♥"

"If it's love,
And we decide that it's forever,
No one else could do it better,
If it's love,
And we're two birds of a feather,
Then the rest is just whenever"

- If It's Love by Train

Until then, Au Revoir.

Aku dan Lagu (Part 9)

12.54 p.m 3.8.2011

The Strokes - Razorblade

Oh, the, Razor blade, that's what I call love
I bet you pick it up and mess around with it
If I put it down
It gets extremely complicated
Anything to forget everything

You got to take me out
At least once a week
Whether I'm in your arms
Or I'm at your feet
I know exactly what you're thinking
You won't say it now
But in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry
There you go

Oh, the razor blade
Wish it would snap this rope
The world is in your hand
Or it's at your throat
At times it's not that complicated
Anything to forget everything

He would never talk
But he was not shy
She was a street-smart girl
But she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
Say it now
Cause in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry

Ayh

Sweetheart
Your feelings are more important of course
Of course
Everyone you wanted
Everything that we would take from them
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me

no, don't, okay

their performance of this song = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHXlIcn33A4

The Strokes is definitely antara band 'rock n roll' kegemaran aku sepanjang zaman. They compliment each other in true perfection. Baik dari vokal, guitars, bass dan dram, it all seems perfectly aligned dalam setiap lagu mereka. That's why I put them among my favorites, alongside Slipknot and others. Kenapa aku memilih lagu ni?

Well, dah genap 100 hari aku bersama dengan kesayangan. And throughout those days it has been really special indeed for me. I felt that a part of me telah menjadi complete, dan membuatkan aku lebih bermotivasi untuk meneruskan penghidupan di dunia ni. She has to be the one for me. That's why aku berusaha gigih sekarang, so that I can have some sort of ikatan dengan kesayangan, and then moving on towards having a more serious ikatan dengannya. Mungkin lama lagi untuk itu, but at least aku ada some sort of foundation to build upon. And hopefully it will last for hundreds and hundreds of days more.

to her:

"thank you for all the surprises. thank you for accepting me as i am. thank you for being the best thing that happened to me this year. and thank you for completing that one piece of puzzle in this little heart of mine."

as the song says,

"He would never talk
But he was not shy
She was a street-smart girl
But she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
Say it now
Cause in your heart it's loud."

until then, Au Revoir.

All about working life...

11.04 p.m 28.7.2011

It has been a long time, isn't it? Dah lama tangan ni tak menaip di keyboard 'Toshi' yakni laptop kepunyaan diri berkenaan entry in this particular blog. Have no fear, due to some stimulus (and perhaps sarcasm), diri ini akan sekali lagi cuba untuk aktif menulis (or menaip) di blog ini dan blog yang lagi satu tu. Tentang blog yang lagi satu tu, akan diberitahu kemudian.

2011 is really a year of transition for me. Dari bidang pembelajaran, terus ke bidang pekerjaan. The first four months diharungi dengan mengharungi practical training di RTM. It was probably the best four months that I ever had in terms of having fun in doing what I like the most, a broadcaster. Menjadi trainee AP untuk Hello on Two was really fun indeed, as I learn more tentang luar dan dalam bidang penyiaran and got a good understanding of how media works as a whole in Malaysia.

Selepas itu, after a brief break aku terjun semula ke bidang pekerjaan, but this time into a whole new different environment, field and work. Aku bekerja di bahagian Concessions wayang MBO di Viva Mall. Bermula hanya sebagai part timer, the workload is damn heavy and dengan hanya berpeluang bercuti satu hari dalam seminggu, one would want to quit the job altogether. Tapi aku bertahan, mengenangkan masa depan yang nak dicapai, among others. Plus, I am a workaholic after all.

Akhirnya, that perseverance pays off as now I am working full time here. Dan aku terasa committed untuk meneruskan karier aku di bidang wayang nie. Seems to be pretty interesting, tapi penuh onak dan ranjau berduri. At least sekarang aku ada platform untuk maju ke hadapan.

Comparing it with my first job is like night and day. The first job is like love at first sight. The second job is like someone that you fall in love slowly but surely as days go by. In the end, I choose the second one as it can last much more longer than the first one. Don't get me wrong, broadcasting masih lagi passion aku. And I would jump into any opportunity that presents itself in regards to broadcasting.

Cuma sekarang aku kena kumpul duit. Nak buat benda baik hujung tahun ni Insya Allah. Aku harap semuanya cukup, diterima oleh keluarga dan diberkati oleh Allah S.W.T. Doakanlah agar perancangan ini berjalan dengan lancar.

Until then, Au Revoire !